Beaufort, updated — Cupcake Afloat

What an interesting town. Friendly people, lovely architecture, clean streets. But aside from some restaurants, this place has nothing of interest to me.

There’s a kind of restaurant I call a “Ladies’ Lunch” spot. You know the kind of place: everything that should be a sandwich is available as a wrap, no entree is filling enough, the iced tea is always infused with something, there’s an abundance of rosemary in everything, and the clientele is predominantly ladies. Having lunch.

Beaufort is a town built for the ladies lunch crowd. There are several stores with names that include words like “Market” or “Provisions” but they house no markets and sell no provisions. There is nowhere in Beaufort where a person without a car can go to buy a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, or a pound of hamburger meat. There are an abundance of places where you can buy tea towels (embroidered to say “Bless Your Heart”) for $20 each. ($20 EACH!)

There is an entire store devoted to lavender. I have lived a very happy life without any lavender whatsoever. An entire store of it, be still my blessed heart.

There is a store devoted to soap. There is another store with a big sign in the window. The sign says “LOCAL SHRIMP” but you can only buy the sign, not the shrimp.

There is a store called “Olive the Above” that does not sell olives.

There was an entire rack of sun visors.

This is not my kind of town.

…and if you don’t pay attention in English class, you’re going to remain ignorant.

In the last post, you were no doubt appalled by the lack of an apostrophe in the graffiti. You should draw your own conclusions about the quality of South Carolina’s education system when you read this sandwich board we saw today.

Ellen says “maybe instead of using the school buses to haul watermelons, pumpkins, and tomatoes, they should put the windows back in and take the kids to school.”

I do not want to sound like a grump, because I am not a grump and I am not grumpy. But this town is not for me.

A bakery, at last! Oh, it’s closed. (For you South Carolinians: its closed.)

Hi, I saw your sign. I’d like to buy some…oh never mind.

Hi, I saw the name of your store and was hoping I could buy some…oh never mind.

If there are no ingredients in town, why would I need to wash my hands?

Funny thing, they have books about food. — Funny thing, they have books *about* food.

No groceries in town. But they do have Jews.

How am I supposed to protect my bald spot with one (or 50) of these things?